Let's talk hair

How have I been doing?

Well let's just say: long hair short.

Yup, that was the punchline and the whole story basically. Thank you for reading and I'll see you next time, folks. 

Note to self: Jane, you can't use that joke in letter, they can see you've not stopped there. Darn.

Anyway, yes, let's talk hair.

I feel like this song should be appropriate here

I guess we've all been in that position where our description of the ultimate perfect haircut we had in our mind has somehow got lost in the process. The barber's chair is where you acknowledge that 1-2 cm is totally subjective and would make a ruler into a depressive alcoholic if it would be a living thing. And a 'snip' here and a 'snip' there and you immediately regret having a haircut. Then there's nothing else to do but to give an awkward smile to the hairdresser when she asks you cheerfully "so how is it?". It's not that easy to find words in a shock state. And as you exit you give one last "I'm sorry" glance at what was once yours and is now in a sad pile on the floor. If you haven't been there then a) you have never had a haircut b) you pay a quarter of your soul for a cut c) you don't give a single thought to your appearance d) you are a manic liar/ optimist e) you can't remember how long you've had the present cut.

It's funny how we get so emotionally attached to something that is a bunch of dead cells and most important of all- it grows back. But it actually is like a security blanket we hide behind. Necessarily it becomes a part of who we are and what we say about ourselves to the outer world. Your hair tells the truth about you, literally, just watch an episode of CSI. But talking in a non scientific language the way we treat our hair nowadays shows our deeper self and our deeper state. If I'm having a bad day I can assure you that my hair is not going to look like I'm taking part of a pageant contest. And frankly that could be said vice versa also. Actually, did you know that it's been studied that a bad hair day affects men more than it does women? Tell it, sistah!

For a long time already men and women have taken pride in their hair. There's the story in the Bible about Samson and Delilah, where he's strong until she cuts his locks and he loses all of his strength. In Colonial America a man had to give his permission for his wife before she could cut her hair, because her hair was considered his possession. Or how sirens were always portrayed with silky long hair as they allured men. It was also believed that witches held power in their hair. And in the 20s women cut short bobs as a sign of rebellion against traditional gender roles. Hippies, skinheads, emos, punk kids, etc...and these stories go on and on until the present form. 

We usually associate long hair with femininity. If you think about it it's quite logical. Long hair is used as a sign of gender differentiation. That's how we tell apart little boys from girls. But it also transcends into adulthood. A Hungarian university study looked at how men described women with short and long hair. While the comments about the women with short hair were all lovely- youthful, honest, caring, emotional- men still in general preferred longer hair, because they saw it as a sign of fertility, health and stability. And another research showed that the majority of single women had longer hair as a sign of "hey, I'm single" to attract the opposite sex. 

And so when a woman cuts her long hair we presume something happened.One of the finest examples of hair being the mirror of the mind is Miss Spears. I don't even have to tell her story as everyone already knows what happened in the combination of her and a razor.

"I'm as free as my hair" sang someone who probably has more wigs than Summer has days.

Hair carries your past. That's how I see it. So this past August I decided to cut my hair short after having long hair for 3 years. And I mean loooong hair. But after having cut my hair short 4 summers ago I got bored of it and then the process of growing that bob out began. At that time it didn't really suit me, it didn't feel right and most of all the maintenance was a pain. With longer hair it was much easy and variable. When my hair was still damp I would braid it, in the morning open it and off I went. I was presentable with less effort and so it became comfortable to have long hair. In the beginning of the passing summer I had those thoughts again- why not cut it? A friend suggested not to rush with those thoughts. But I couldn't get passe them. Something happened in the beginning of August. Something that I'd been looking forward for a long time and something that changed me in some ways. Something that showed that I'm not who I thought to be and something that showed me where I don't belong. I felt I was ready to say goodbye to the past me and to make an actual statement: cutting my hair. Long hair represented 3 years of my life that had passed and I needed to move on. And I was eager to give a visit to my hairdresser. After hearing my ideas and having a look at an Ann Hathaway picture I took with myself (verbal skills of this creature: 0) she asked if I'd like to take 5 and think through my plan. I didn't even blink when turning down that proposal. I was determined. I have never been that determined when having my hair cut, like never ever. She took off more than 20 cm. When I had a look at the mess on the floor it felt like I was carrying around the amount of two normal headfull of hair.

It's not news. But I felt like writing it down now when my hair has kinda gotten used to it's length. I know it's weird to say, but that's how it feels. Or maybe it's just me who has gotten used to the new do. Even when I look like a mixture of Norman Salumäe (just Google him) and a fluffy poodle on rainy days and a hobo on windy days (and almost every third day to be honest), even when my haircut grows out like in hyper speed, even if there's not that much styles to try I'm still glad I took the risk.

I got my hair shortened today once again. My hairdresser said that it's funny, when regular people go from extra long to short they keep it like that for a month max and then decide to grow it out again, but with me it's getting shorter and shorter with each visit. I laughed, because I was one of those people before. I hope I don't lose her.

I feel free (-er).

Now, my laptop is full of pictures of hair inspirations.

So, med-short haircut girls, this goes out to you.

This girl, Karla, is my hero when it comes to flirty curly hair. How fabulous is that do?

A surprise visitor II

Howdy there, people of thy World! EMO aka Eve “Stop everything you are doing and be

AWESOME! “ is here to finish some unfinished business. I’m here to post my post

of the blogrape agreement me and Jane here had. I know, it took a what, almost 5 months, but

I have an excuse (not that any one cares. Like our literature teacher always said: “Who can’t

find an excuse for himself, is an idiot“) – I simply didn’t have ideas worthy enough to be seen

here, as this place is just too Awesome to handle, right?!

So, lately, Jane came up with this idea, which she borrowed from someone else, to write a

story based on a Fashion picture (well, she said, any picture, but I let her to decide, I wanted

a challenge). I was up to it. Why? Not only I haven’t written something properly for over a

year now, which is a total bummer, I know I should be writing stories if one day I want to

pursue my inner senses and turn them into books (shhhh, it’s a secret), but I also can use it as

my post on this blog. How more convenient can it get, right?!

Before we start, something about what influenced me while writing this. Basically, I

obviously had to choose the picture first. I try to listen to my first instinct and my eyes just

landed on this utterly magical, enhancing, something worth turning into a story. I came up

with the beginning while listening to one song, which I don’t quite remember anymore. After

that I had a fallout. Thoughts fought me in order not to become words. And then, I started

writing.

Heartbeat, sci-fi, heartbreak, yin-yang, lace, light and dark, Loom, Phantom of the Opera,

green, Kanye West-Love Lockdown, Adam Lambert- Underneath.

The proper (if any) way of reading the next piece, which is quite unusual even for myself, is

like this. Turn on you imagination – prepare it before reading. Get yourself in the imagining

mood. (Here, do something that will get you “going“) Read it slowly. Embrace it. Read into

words. Picture them. Let your own experiences, your own associations with the words create

images in your head. See the words as if they were a short film (yeah, I recently became very

obsessive about short films). Create the story. Fill it with more details, like a proper book

does it to you. Just tune yourself into something different. Reach out there where you have

never been before. Experience in those short moments something new. And then savour it. Let

it linger. Don’t rush through it. If something bothers you, come back, read it again or forget

forever. Just don’t leave it unread.

People change – the lie I didn’t believe in. I was proved wrong very soon. Sooner than I

expected, not that I expected it at all.

They say you never forget your first love. I wish I could. We met in early September. Leaves

lay under my feet when our eyes met. I didn’t have to think twice. His green eyes flickered in

the sunlight. The smile that made me want to forget the world existed. His voice, unbearable

to hear, dark and too seductive.

I wish I wouldn’t have fallen. I simply wish our ways never crossed.

He didn’t pursue me sexually. His senses reached higher. He longed for something beyond

imagination. He took me to his secret places inside his mind, carefully chosen to reflect one

or other desire of his. He bathed me in his darkest thoughts. Darkest dreams. In the dark itself.

He owned me. He owned my soul. He filled it with dark. I have never seen dark as beautiful

as he had shown me. I never understood dark until then. He was the dark.

To the outside world we were barely visible. People never see the dark, they are scared of it.

Scared of what they might find in it. I was one of them. People change.

Time was irrelevant. It stood still, yet ran faster than ever. Year has passed in a blink of an

eye.

Everything changed.

I woke up in the middle of the night only to find he was gone. In the morning, the same green

eyes greeted me. They bore a different energy to them. Light. His voice, his hair, his mind...

They were light. Luminous. Dangerous. Destroying me from the inside. He had changed.

Everything about him had changed.

He made me wear white. He kissed me. His kiss left my lips burning like Sun itself kissed

them mercilessly, leaving behind the sensation of cold. I was freezing. Light started to creep

in, forcing dark to surrender. To leave me. To leave the world he created for me. Within me.

I was left hollow.

Alone.

He disappeared.

I never saw him again.

I didn’t have time to tell him I loved him.

I am happy I didn’t.

Light consumed me.

Dark ate me.

His job was done.

Now, as you have probably turned back from wherever place you visited, I want to talk about

Jane. If you might have read, she left quite a tearful-truth-Awesomeness here - A surprise

visitor - and

I wanted to give something back.

I consider myself a very lucky person for the God or Universe or whatever Higher Power or

even Life itself bringing me into her life. I couldn’t be more grateful. I constantly remind her

how much she means to me, in case she doesn't know it already, and I know how I can get

a bit annoying with that. I can’t say enough, how much I appreciate her, love her, adore her,

admire her. About that, I admire her, because she possesses so many Awesome qualities that

you simply can't overlook them. She has this mind of hers that comes up with these wonderful

and so original ideas, she amazes me every single time [damn, this girl in High School -

she rocked, she was the one that came up with most of our great performances and other incredible thing we did during our serving time :D] She is very determined. She has so many

quirks, but I know that I have more, sorry. She is an incredible artist and craftsman. Did you

know? (Probably not) She, after she saw this post - Awesome BadAss Walk - made me this for

my Birthday?!?!:

Like, for Crying Out Loud, Woman, are you serious? She rocked my world. She always has.

Always will.

I owe her my love and a rising interest in Fashion, Fashion Images, Stripes, Black & White,

Jackets, Mixing Feminine & Masculine styles, Life. I feel like she has made my life so much

more Awesome. And she shares very Awesome music with me - great choice of music, just

bloody splendid.

.

She doesn't give herself enough credit. I never take anything for granted and therefore I

always remind her, how Awesome she is.

She once said that she is my brain/sense of reason. I totally believe her.

She is a food maniac and she eats very slowly. She loves the smell of asphalt after the rain.

She loves watching "Betty". She loves eating Spaghetti Carbonara. She bakes the best in the

world Pavlova (check here somewhere for da best recipe). She loves old-school musicals. She

doesn't have Facebook nor Twitter nor other bull*** social media demons :D . She doesn't

like being the centre of attention. She is more masculine than Timo.(You can edit that out, if

you feel the need.) She is my Socially Awkward Penguin Friend (I am one too, you see). She

loves DIY & flea markets. She has this thing when she does her nails, she leaves the left hand

pinkie finger the other colour than the rest. She loves Oreos. And yet, there is so much more

to her. There are many other things I know and some I don't...(Like she pointed out one – Do

you think you know everything about me?)

You, my dear, are the person that inspires everybody else, especially me. You are the weird,

eclectic and stunning human being. You. YOU!

And now, I give you something that we all might enjoy. Pictures. Just freaking Awesome

pictures I found in my countless (8) folders with thounsands of saved pictures. I am crazy, but

so is Jane.

For now, my time has run out here. Love you, Janey. Thanks for letting me here, on your

territory. I hope I did fine. Didn’t scare your crowd away or anything.

Stay Awesome, folks!

Your EMO.

Smart & Casual & Effortless

I was browsing through The Ultimate street style blog- The Satorialist- and just once again fell completely, naively and unconditionally in love with Italian men. Their sense of style that is. For me they are the embodiment of smart-casual-effortless dressing. Yes, that is one word as I recall. And I'm always thrilled when Scott photographs in Milan. 

Now all I can think about is linen button-ups with rolled up sleeves and unbuttoned just as low as your ego allows you without shame (and say, how charming are those wrinkles in those shirts? Probably as charming as is a charming prince on a white horse), slouchy khaki chinos, a chunky watch and a pair of white converse sneakers. Be still my heart!

And for a more feminine take...

All photos by Scott Schuman

Take a peek inside her closet

I've known this girl since the first grade. But to be precise we've been close for 4 years for now. And during that time I have yet to succeed in finding a person who would resemble her. So in short, she puts the "u" in unique. This can be taken as a positive compliment or just a remark that, damn girl, you're completely nuts (see picture 2).

When it comes to dressing-up, honestly, I've always admired her choices. Her style seems bold, effortless and unpolished, but she always stays true to her soul sisters. In the meaning that she praises what her mamma gave her, but in the most classy way without going vulgar. Her choices seem right and it's just such a joy to rest your eye on her. Nonono, don't get me wrong here. With all the madness, style copycats, vulgarity, gray and beige on the streets it's good to know that there are people with an independent mind, values, ideals and a beautiful soul. And that comes out in her personal style.

I think the one thing worth mentioning here what I've learnt from her (among the many other things) is to stay true to your choices and never doubt your inner voice. 

And so if this introduction made you wonder "Who's that girl?" then continue reading.  

We shot these pictures in her lovely home... in the middle of an industrial estate. Well, pretty much an area, where you wouldn't think a person might or could live. She once told me a story about a cab ride home late at night. When the taxi driver arrived at the address she told him he was left confused. He didn't quite understand what a young woman was up to in that neighborhood and so he asked if she was the night guard there or something. Sadly, she said "no". 

So, the brick walls and steel stairs in the background are not something we searched purposely to give the photos an "artistic" concept but something that is a part of her life here, in Tallinn. 

Short curriculum vitae

I'm Heleri. Status: The biggest love of Jane's life (Note from Jane: "I don't confirm"). I've learnt to play the piano, but only as a hobby. At the moment it's come to a standstill since I've moved to another city to study. I have always been interested in medicine and somehow have found a way towards laboratory medicine. Currently studying to be a bioanalyst. As Jane likes to often point out in my case, I'm a family oriented person. My biggest goals in life and expectations are connected to family and children. Maybe it's because I've grown up in a big unified family. Always the most interesting fact of the story of my life: my grandmother has 11 children, 26 grandchildren, 9 great-grandchildren.

Personal style

Once Jane asked me that it would be interesting to know what kind of a parent I would be. I said that depending on the situation I would be either a "real pal" parent or a really strict one, basically two extremes, not so much in between. I think that my items in my closet are like that: parts really classical and sometimes even boring, others quite bold choices. To bring up a one concrete characteristic is difficult...

Inspiration/Influences

Anyway, not the current trends and recommendations from women's magazines or sites. When dressing up I listen to my heart's voice, everything depends on my mood (and weather) :D

I really like the idea of how women wear beautiful dresses for day to day. This vision has certainly been inspired by American movies, right now "The Stepford Wives" and "The Help" come to mind. My ideal would be: a housewife in a well.fitted dress that makes her sexy :) Therefore, I have now collected...24 dresses and I think I'm going to add to it throughout the future. 

Favorite shopping places 

My best finds are from small-town thriftstores (I myself am surprised by that, unexpected fact). From the Estonian stores I could bring up the shoe and accessories store Charles&Keith. Their merchandise is for me very desirable, but sometimes a bit expensive.

Key items

Jeans, black blazer, black tights, one-colored tops

Latest purchase

Swimwear

Oldest item

By age, the oldest item is a yellow Minnie Mouse T-shirt, which belonged to my grandma. The reason why I kept it is emotional, because I grew up without a father then my grandma was helpful for my mom. In addition to the memories, I also have this shirt to remind me of her. 

From my own items the oldest ones are my Le Coq winter boots. They've served me for 5 year already, I suppose. In fact they're already totally worn out, but they have become really dear to me and I would like new ones but exactly the same (is it possible that they're going to produce models from 5 years ago again??)

A lovely memory behind an item

I thought about this question the longest, because I tried to find something from my closet that would have a long and interesting enough background story. I took a quick glance at my dresses and each time remembered a different event: family summer vacation, graduation, wedding (where I was the bridesmaid), discos, New Year's eve, Valentine's day ball...

Favorite season

Summer and my dress's paradise has always been a good match

5 things you can't live without

Humor (something you can't understand, Jane)

(Note from Jane: "I confirm")

Hairbrush and hair-clips :D

Memories (i.e without which I wouldn't like to live)

I can't decide whether the last one should be a blanket or a pillow :D (Note from Jane: a little recommendation: a blanket can work as a pillow and a cover at the same time. Booyah)

If you would be an item of clothing on a celebrity

Clean-cut one-colored dress that slightly hugs your body- you can wear it infinite times, but every time it makes you feel like you're the most charming woman in the world. For the woman in the dress I would suggest Blair Waldorf 's character in Gossip Girl (played by Leighton Meester)

Your tips for dressing-up

Be always prepared for weather changes... Maybe it's only necessary in Estonia, especially during Spring and Autumn, when the mornings are chilly and the nights warm or vice versa, or the sun and rain vary during the day several times (pesky). 

High (and I mean high-high) heels are not worth the torture! Above all, listen to your body and mind, then you'll always feel great!  

TEDxTartu - Mari Pokinen - Valikud

Behind beautiful music lies a beautiful soul.

The Girl with the Popped Green Balloon

Sometimes I feel I need them more than they need me.

Sometimes I wonder if they think of me as much as I think of them.

Sometimes I feel like The Girl with the Popped Green Balloon.

That sometimes is now. 

Illustration by yours truly's shaky hand. 

When things are not just "things"

Remember what I wrote here.

"So during this Big Spring Cleaning join me and open your closet doors with the most critical look and a cool head. I don't know about you, but when I flick through my wardrobe and it's seriously not inspiring me to get dressed then I feel a bit unhappy. So, pack away the things for winter, sort out the pieces that leave you questioning why it's in your closet or don't fit you no more and take them to your local Recycling Center. And now you've made room for your spring favorites." 

I love quoting myself.

So I did what I suggested. I accepted the challenge and I tackled my closet "with the most critical look and a cool head". 

Well, it started like that. I knew what was a keeper and what not based on how much I've actually worn them. But when it came to actually saying goodbye to them, my critical look and my cool head were nowhere to be found. All that was left was a big softy standing in front of her closet caressing the clothes with a thick nostalgic bubble over her head. "Pretty pathetic" you may think.

Clothes are not just "clothes" for me. They are moments. They are emotions. They are people. 

Every time I wear a piece it brings me back to the times when I was wearing it before. It can remind me of the special people I was with. Or the memorable moments in my life. 

Certain items are a sentimental memorabilia. They are the fragments of your past.

Maybe it's your wedding dress. The suit you graduated in. An adorable dress from your earliest childhood that your mother didn't have the heart to give away. Your first pair of high heels. Or that pair of underwear that brought you luck every time you wore them no matter how ridiculous everyone else said the idea was. That silly T-shirt you bought from the most awesome trip of your life. The fox fur neckpiece that once belonged to your grandmother. The jacket you threw over your partner's shoulders during your first date on that chilly night. Gosh, this is getting too lovey-dovey. You get the point. 

Clothes now not only serve for their first and foremost purpose- to keep warm. Other functions have risen to become as important or even more. 

Saying goodbye to some of my items was hard. What finally helped me to accomplish my mission was the thought of sharing them. I had some good times with those old folks, but what good does it do when they are simply hanging in my closet and bringing me joy for a moment or two when I open those doors and spot them. Especially if they are in an excellent wearing condition, but don't fit my bodyshape/life pace/preference etc. I will always have those memories with or without them. And if I'm willing to let go of them then I'm allowing for greater moments to find me.

And what is especially gratifying to know is that if you find a new owner for them you are sharing the joy with them. Think about how much great moments that person is going to have in that item.

So goodbye old friends. We had good times together. But now it's time for you to find a new owner to make happy.